Dear Royal Oak,
I am angry with you. You are disappointing me at every turn lately. We go way back and I really don't understand why you are doing this to me. I don't think we can be BFF's anymore.
I am no longer smitten with your many formerly lovely parks. They are muddied, gratified and overgrown. I don't like taking my children there anymore. Why aren't you taking care of them? A little mulch, mow, and paint are all they need.
Your homes are still overpriced, even in this down economy. Royal Oak, don't you know that people just can't afford that right now? You are being a tad greedy in my opinion.
Do you really think young families will want to move here and send their children to your schools with all of your stupid budget cuts? NO! Stop it already! You are to big of a city not to have busses. I am tired of seeing the pickiting teachers every morning. Just give them what they want! They deserve it! If you cut sports, we are through forever!
You want to get rid of more policemen and firemen. Insane, I say! Don't you remember when I called the police a few years ago because there was a crippled opossum hissing at my children in our yard? And do you remember what they told me? "I'm sorry but your call does not take precedence and we are very "busy" right now",said the policeman. "You should take a big shovel and bash it on the head", he says. Really? Is that what you are going to tell me when I call and say a big intruder is forcing his way into my house, because now you have even less of a police force? This is not smart, Royal Oak.
Your downtown is still kitchy, cute and inviting. But you want to start charging me for parking on Sundays now too? I don't really like that idea. I will not visit your downtown on a Sunday if you decide to do this.
The last straw came this morning when I was taking Emily to school. Royal Oak, you have made it impossible to get my children to their schools. Practically every street that leads to the elementary is closed down with all the ridiculous construction and the busiest intersection near the middle school is constructing as well. Why must you do this all at the same time? Couldn't you have waited until school was over for the summer? I am not amused at all. I stick my tongue out at you daily.
Royal Oak, if you don't get your act together, I am filing for divorce from you.
Sincerely,
A Disgruntled Resident
Dear Rude Playground mom,
Thank you so much for being a jerk face while I was at the park with my baby today. She really wanted to go on the baby swings, as you could plainly see with her reaching, crying and kicking as we stood by you ,patiently waiting. Waiting for you to finish pushing your gigantic, post-toddler sized children that could have gone on the big kid swings. But you just continued to push your huge kids while my baby cried. Your smiles and waving did not make her feel better. Swinging would have made her feel better.
Listen, I don't have a problem taking turns and all that. But did you really have to leave them in there for the whole half hour we were visiting the park? Not nice. I am not a fan of you. You are probably the type of person that stands in front of the monkey exhibit at the zoo forever and doesn't let the little kids see in. Boo on you.
Here's a tip, lady. If your kids are to big for diapers, they are to big for baby swings. Find a book on playground etiquette and read it!!!
Insincerely,
Nice Playground Mom
~Jill
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