I'm being stalked

I am not a fan of felines. Actually, I'm a bit scared of them. I haven't always been, but somewhere along the way in adulthood, they started spooking me. The phobia kind of snuck up on me, kinda like cats do in their sneaky,catty way. I'm not scared of all cats. I'm good with kittens. A kitten could come up to me and do that purring rub against your leg thing that cats do, and I wouldn't run screaming from the room. I can handle seeing a cat from across the street. Basically, if it isn't close enough to pounce on me and gouge out my eyeballs, I'm good.

Here's what i'm not good with. A stalker cat. A big, black, yellowy green eyed stalker cat. I am pretty sure I saw this particular cat at the vet last week while I was there with More Annoying Dog. It was safely behind the bars of his little cage, but he was eyeballing me and licking his chops. I'm pretty sure it wanted me for lunch. A few days later I was walking past my front door, which happens to have a huge window panel in it. Guess who was sitting there STARING INTO MY HOUSE???? A big, black, yellowy green eyed cat. I swear it looked just like the one from the vet. And who was on my porch in a pouncing position waiting for me when I got home from taking Alex to school yesterday? That's right. Stalker Cat.

My friend Joanna has a black cat with scary green snake eyes. As a kitten she was tiny and cute. Now she reminds me of a smallish puma that would, if given the opportunity, use my skin as a scratch pad. Ironically, her name is Gracie, same as my precious baby nugget. A few weeks ago I had to drop something off at their house when nobody was there. I opened the door and Gracie the cat jumped off the ledge, probably trying to pounce me, but I think I startled her with my screaming and running. I also peed my pants a little, which was no good. This is what cats do to me. Make me so scared I pee my pants. There is probably a name for this condition in the professional world, like tryptocataphobia or something.

Cats are creepy with their sneaky, catty ways. For all I know, Gracie the cat was amused by my screaming pee episode and called out for cat reinforcements to come to the hood so she could watch this happen over and over. She's probably sitting in her bay window laughing at me right now.

I have to take More Annoying Dog back the the vet again today. If Stalker Cat is there, i'm getting a restraining order.

~Jill