One Liners

I read a facebook post last night by Jill about smashing her smoke alarm via a bat after a botched Christmas cookie debacle. She's also told me about pitching her coffee maker into the driveway and various other sordid aggressions towards small appliances. Hmmm... immediate childhood flashbacks ensue... such as the incident with Jill's mother hurling a lawn sprinkler through the yard. Or showing up to ask to play with my pal Jill only to be greeted by various pieces of appliances littering the porch steps that had met their demise. On these occasions I generally headed back home rather than make that knock on the door. It seemed safer.

Jill forced me in to using Twitter and has been generating enough one liners that she could start a t-shirt company to support the replacement of her appliances:

-so far today i've been projectile vomited on,lost the teacher xmas gift&had a chunk of hair ripped out by my psycho baby.Good times!

-here's a tidbit of helpful info. Smoking while pumping gas is not the best idea. I guess the idiot next to me is unaware.

-visiting the bachelorette section at the party paper place was just what i needed to cheer myself up!

-Costco is full of jackassery toinght.

-Leggings are not pants. I don't care how rockin your a** is, cover that shit up.

-Asked Alex to go get the Santa decoration out of the garage . 10 minutes later he comes back & says "I dont see a Llama decoration". Wtf?

I miss the comic relief that Jill exudes, even if its at her expense and my benefit!

-Sheryl